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  • Washington Lies

The Mist: A Foggy Tribute to the Magic of Inexplicably Bizarre Creatures and Discount Store Drama

I do have to say that there's something about a good old monster movie that really makes one appreciate the joys of indoor living, and "The Mist" is no exception. With its remarkable ensemble of inter-dimensional creatures and a motley crew of grocery shoppers, it takes the phrase "lost in the supermarket" to a whole new level.

Based on a novella by Stephen King, this 2007 flick brings us to the cozy town of Bridgton, Maine, where a freak storm brings forth a thicker-than-pea-soup fog—or mist, to be exact. But oh, this isn't your grandmother's mist; this is a special kind of mist. It's the type of mist that harbors tentacled monstrosities, massive bugs, and whatever other nightmares could be squeezed into the special effects budget.

And how do we deal with these horrors? Well, we hide in a grocery store, of course. It's the survivalist's paradise: endless food, check. Potentially makeshift weapons, check. A diverse group of people with wildly conflicting personalities and ideologies for dramatic tension, check and check!

Our heroic dad, David Drayton, played by Thomas Jane, keeps reminding us that he's an artist. It's unclear how exactly that's supposed to help him fight off interdimensional monsters, but maybe they're fans of watercolor landscapes. It's hard to tell—these creatures are somewhat lacking in the art critique department.

Then there's Marcia Gay Harden’s Mrs. Carmody, the religious zealot. Now, in a situation where you're trapped in a grocery store with bloodthirsty monsters lurking outside, she decides to start a cult. It's a natural progression, right? When the chips are down, and you're hankering for canned peas, why not throw in some fire-and-brimstone preaching for good measure?

"The Mist" hits us with an ending that’s as uplifting as being punched in the gut by a kangaroo. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll question the director's decision-making skills, and most importantly, you'll appreciate the bug-free convenience of your local grocery store.

In short, if you've ever yearned to see giant insects attack people in a supermarket, or watch an artist battle otherworldly creatures with a mop, then "The Mist" is the cinematic tour-de-force for you. Its delightfully questionable plot and monstrous antics serve as a foggy reminder that no matter how bad your day is going, at least you're not stuck in a grocery store surrounded by tentacled beasts. It's the little things, right? Enjoy the show, folks!

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